I made you some really helpful resources because (maybe it’s cheesy, but…) I care. 1.) Personally I’m a sucker for a quiz. This one tells you your dating style and gives you some pointers in your results. Dating Style Quiz. It’ll take you about 10 minutes.
2.) I also made “Take the Guesswork out of Dating” for you. It’ll guide you through what to do before, during, and after a date to avoid common (catastrophic) mistakes. Because you deserve way more than those jokers that are going to waste your precious time. Inside you’ll find:
How to craft your pre-date mindset
What TO talk about. What NOT to talk about
How to spot the guys that will waste your time
The recipe for increased confidence and decreased confusion
Pro tip: Print it and post it wherever you get ready for dates so it’s fresh in your head when you head out.
3.) The third treat I created for you is a guide called Learning to Pace a Relationship. It could be the difference between getting ghosted and getting married. Inside there’s answers to:
What is an appropriate first date location?
If we’ve been dating for 2 months, how many times per week can I see him?
Should I go to his place yet?
When can I spend a week away with him?
And SO MUCH MORE. Pacing is an important part of dating- especially in the beginning. It prevents him from getting too much from you too soon and fizzling out or ghosting AND gives him enough time to develop real feelings. This chart is chef’s kiss if I do say so myself.
Here’s my QR Code. It’ll take you to everything (My LinkTree).
✨Alsoooooo… You are also cordially invited to join me in a little corner of the internet I built for us. I’m starting a Dating Advice Support Group that will meet weekly to chat about The Rules, vent, support each other, and solve your specific dating woes. It’s small right now, as all new groups are- but that gets you in early at a Founder’s rate that will never go up- for however long you’re a member. I’ve also included a couple other Founder’s perks👇🏻
Let me know what you think! And if you have questions, I’m only a DM @advice.by.alicia (on Insta or TikTok) or email away therulesroom@advicebyalicia.com 🤗
Good question. And it’s one I see every. single. day. Many times a day. From my clients. From women online. Everywhere -all the time.
How are you supposed to know when it’s safe to spend your time and your energy and lower your shields for a man? Glad you asked. Let’s just get right into it. Here’s how we know he likes/loves us…
These are how you can tell BEFORE you even meet:
If he talks to/messages you first.
If he writes something of substance as his first message to you on a dating app. We don’t even bother answering the “hi/hello” “hi beautiful” “wyd” messages. If he starts with “I noticed you like traveling, what’s your favorite place to visit?” or “You’re into art? Have you seen the new Van Gogh exhibit at the MET?’ (And if he’s smart, he turns that into a date when you show enthusiasm about it.) Just ignore any other lame messages and you’ll save SO much time. I wrote about how to set up a dating app- here. And how to write your profile so he has something to talk about (and not spill your guts)- here.*
If he asks you out QUICKLY. I am talking within FOUR exchanges on a dating app. Or he gets your number when he meets you out in the wild and asks you out within 4 text exchanges. Or if he crosses the room to meet you and asks you out in person. All of the others are Time-wasters. I will go into this one more on my next blog so stay tuned for HOW to do this and WHY it matters.*
If he’s asking you out with advanced notice- at least 3 days.*
If he chooses a safe, well-lit area for your first couple of dates.
If he’s the one putting in the effort to plan the dates.
If he’s asking for your input or listening to you to know what to plan for dates you’ll enjoy.
If he makes the location of the first and second dates convenient for you- as in, in your area. By this I mean 10-15 minutes travel time for you, TOPS- unless you live in the middle of nowhere- make it make sense for you. ✨Obviously NEVER invite a stranger to your home or tell them where you live!✨*
What to look for once you’re past the first couple of dates:
If he picks you up at your door for most subsequent dates.*
If he’s asking for your input or listening to you to know what to plan for dates you’ll enjoy.
If he happily pays the tab and doesn’t make you feel awkward.
If he gives you little romantic gifts like flowers or candy or a cute stuffed animal or jewelry. Or writes you little poems, sends you songs, makes you a playlist, sends you funny memes during the day- things that show he’s thinking of you when you’re not there.
If he doesn’t rush you into being intimate- but shows he’s interested and attracted to you in a respectful way.
If he holds your hand, puts his arm around you, sits on the same side of the booth as you, pulls your chair closer to his, flags down the waiter for you, opens your car door, opens every door for you, helps you off the curb or down steps as you teeter in your heels.
If he always asks you out in advance- ideally, he asks for another date at the end of the date, as he’s dropping you off.*
If he tells you he told his parents/family/friends about you. Or invites you to meet them within a reasonable time frame- not too soon and not too late.
If he lights up when he sees you.
If he asks you what each and every facial expression you make means.
If he BEGS you to leave even just one thing at his apartment so you’re comfortable when you stay.*
If he buys you your own pillow for his place.*
If he’s sad when you have other plans, BUT RESPECTS YOUR SPACE and your friendships so there’s no guilt trip when you go out with them.
If he gives you a key to his place (that you don’t even use) and says you’re welcome anytime.
If he is totally transparent about his past relationships, when relevant- especially if he is co-parenting- BUT does NOT use you as his therapist.
If he’s completely comfortable handing you his phone.
If he wants to see you all the time and gets frustrated when you pace the relationship.*
Etc.
Do these men even exist?! Yes. Yes they do. When a man is really into you, he WANTS to make you happy. Wants to impress you. Wants to be challenged. Wants to figure you out. Wants to choose things you’ll like. Wants to respect your boundaries. Wants to show you his best side. Wants to spend time with you in person- not just on the phone. You get the picture.
*Here’s the thing… MANY of these will come naturally to him when he’s in love or like. Some of them (the ones with the *) might not and he may need a little (UNSPOKEN) guidance… It doesn’t mean he’s not into you, but he may have some bad habits to break (or have been spoiled in the past)… And it will be up to you to be strategic. But that’s going to have to be another blog because there’s more to it.
Now keep this piece in mind while you also PACE the relationship. Being really interested in someone can lead to seeing them too much too soon- in which case, men often crash and burn (or fizzle and ghost). Here’s a handy chart I made to help keep you on track, even when your emotions are running HIGH.
If you’re interested in learning more about this, and more about how to date with your sanity intact, come on over and join the waitlist for my online Dating Advice Community. We will Zoom twice per week (at VERY different times to accommodate different schedules and time zones) to check in, vent about the current state of dating, give each other support, and get answers to your specific questions. I’ve been a Dating Coach for 10 years now and I’ve seen this framework work over and over again. So give the tips above a try and check out the community!
Advice by Alicia 