So, my dears, how did Valentine’s Day go?
He loves me:
He planned ahead/scheduled me well in advance of Valentine’s Day.
He made reservations/plans for something or somewhere he knew I would enjoy.
He told me he loves me.
He introduced me to his friends/parents/children.
He bought/made/gave me a romantic gift. Money is not the objective here; it’s romance. As CUAOs, we would prefer a card with a poem he wrote inside and signed “Love, …” over something practical that he spends beaucoup bucks on. So: card with poem/song he wrote over iPad, flowers over laptop, jewelry over expensive kitchen appliance, weekend trip over new car… you get the picture. Gifts are a great way to gauge how he feels about you. If he loves you, he doesn’t buy you something he would buy his grandmother. She gets the silk scarf and/or bouquet of daisies; you get the heart necklace and/or a dozen red roses. She gets the #1 Nana necklace; you get the sparkly diamond engagement ring. So be honest with yourself: Was it a romantic gift? If not, it’s a good time to take a good look at this relationship…
He loves me not (Probably—there’s a SLIM possibility he’s very spoiled or that a terrible precedent was set at the beginning of the relationship):
He waited until the last minute and asked the same day or night before.
He took me to the least romantic pub in existence where he watched xyz sports game/whatever was on the TV more than he spoke to me.
He bought me a coffee pot and zero flowers or candy.
He somehow made it sound like it would be SO romantic if I cooked dinner for us… But really, it just meant that I got stuck grocery shopping, paying for the food, lugging it home, cooking and cleaning, setting the mood, and all that joker did was bring the wine!
He makes me second-guess myself all the time. Is this a relationship or not? Is he just killing time? Just wanted a date so he doesn’t feel like a loser on the romance holiday?
He completely skipped Valentine’s Day but he called me for a date the next weekend…
He took me out on Saturday night (or ON Valentine’s Day) but didn’t actually acknowledge the holiday. (Even though I wore red and heart-shaped earrings.)
We’ve been “together” for 6 months. He got me a card and flowers, but he didn’t sign the card “Love, …” and, come to think of it, he never says it.
He invited me me over. He made dinner (a BIG batch of lasagna he intends separate into portions to eat every day for lunch this week). While we ate, we watched a movie he had pirated. But it feels like it was just really a ploy to get me into bed because immediately after dinner, we had sex, then he went directly to sleep.
So are you still plucking the flower or do you have a clear picture? Are you feeling blue because something on the list above happened to you? Don’t worry—you’re not alone in this. The above scenarios are ALL true stories that have happened either to me or one of my besties. We are in this together, ladies. Let’s change it!
Maybe there are some gray areas or you’re in the “bad precedent group” and you need to chat about and/or fix it– that’s fine too. Maybe you know the Rules but your mom/girlfriend/sister thinks you’re being too picky or crazy or overanalyzing and you need a fellow CUAO to look at it with fresh eyes. I’m here for you. Shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or head to my Consultations page and fill in the boxes. We can sort this out together. Why not, right? Do you have more time to waste if he’s not in love with you yet?
All the love!