Today’s Tip- Holiday Rule 2: What to Gift Him

‘Tis the season to be giving… But what should that look like? I know a lot of you are super conscientious and are already thinking about shopping for your boyfriend’s [insert your particular gift-giving holiday for the season here] gift. I’m going to give this one to you straight. Here are the “Do’s” and “Do not’s.”

What NOT to get him:

  • Anything that is mushy/romantic (no pictures, poetry, jewelry, chocolate, cologne, or love songs). Let him be the romance factory in the relationship.
  • Anything that tries to change him or forces your taste on him. (You want him to wear button-down shirts, but he doesn’t like them. You think he looks great in yellow; he knows he looks like Big Bird. You want him to read a book on politics or relationships or business…) You love him for who he is!
  • Anything sneaky or manipulative (You want to place reminders of yourself in his home so you buy him throw pillows for his couch, or a blanket for his bed, or plates, or wine glasses, or monogrammed towels, etc. Pictures also fall into this category.) If he loves you, he is already thinking about you all the time. If he isn’t, why are you buying him a gift? Register for all that stuff together when you’re planning the wedding!
  • Anything alive.

 

So what kind of gift DO we give the man in our life? Something he will like, fits his interests, and doesn’t break the bank (no more than $50-100). Here are some ideas:

  • Bottle of whisk(e)y (rye, scotch, bourbon), rum, brandy, or tequila
  • Small batch craft beer (You can customize a 6-pack in a worthy beer store.)
  • Beer recipe book (recipes that mimic famous brews) since everyone is into brewing these days
  • A book on a (nonromantic) topic he would enjoy: sports statistics, woodworking, horror or sci-fi novel, a travel book about what/where to eat in Japan because he will be there for business next month (not the honeymoon trip you’re dreaming of), the Civil War, the history of tattoos, etc.
  • A hat: baseball, flat cap, winter
  • Hoodie/sweater/button-down/polo shirt
  • Gloves and/or a scarf (Store-bought. Do not make these.)
  • Sweatshirt/T-shirt of his favorite sports team
  • Cigars
  • A video game
  • A DVD (documentary, action movie, superhero movie, Best of xyz Sporting Event) he’d like and some snacks: Sriracha popcorn, pistachios, mixed nuts, pretzels, beef jerky, etc.
  • Miracle Berry Tablets and a bag of lemons, limes, and oranges (And I highly recommend some Tums for after he raids the entire fridge.)
  • Geeky gadgets or t-shirts
  • A fancy straightedge razor

So what do you get the guy…

…you’ve been seeing for a month? Nothing! It’s only been a month! Don’t scare the dude away.

…you’re married to? Anything he would like!

Today’s Tip: Holiday Rule 1

The holiday season is upon us! That being the case, there are a few Rules we really need to keep in mind at this time of year. Over the next few weeks I will review them all, but let’s start with this one:
Let him lead!
This Rule has a lot of branches, but the one you need to focus on the most during the holidays is that you shouldn’t be introducing him to your friends before he introduces you to his friends… Or your family before you meet his family. I know it is tempting with all of the gatherings and get-togethers. And the best friend that’s in from out-of-town. And the aunts that sit you down every holiday to itemize the efforts you’ve been making to meet a man. And you’ve gone to the last 2 Thanksgivings alone. And it’s what I call “Diamond Season.” But you have to let things develop at the right speed. If you don’t rush and you play your cards right, you could be celebrating your own engagement by this time next year!

Today’s Tip- Online Dating Profile

Is your online dating profile living up to its potential? Do the emails feel like they’ve started decreasing in number and your profile doesn’t seem to be getting the traffic it used to? If you think you already have the right CUAO blend of mystery and intrigue in your profile, try making a simple change. Sometimes, just changing a small sentence or swapping out one picture for a similar one is enough to bump your profile up to the top of the search results again. Give it a try!

If you feel like you’d like some guidance in revamping your dating profile, visit my Consultations page and we can take a look together. Finding the balance between being generic and spilling your guts can be a challenge; let’s work together to make your Rulesy profile and find your Mr. Right!

Today’s Tip #2- Where the Men Are

Have you been having trouble figuring out where to meet men? Bars are either too crowded, loud, not the right vibe…  You work with mostly women… Your hobbies are typically of the female persuasion… Your friends have dropped the ball in introducing you to anyone… The dating sites aren’t getting you very far… Whatever the reason, you’ve got to start thinking outside of the box to meet Mr. Right.

Step #1: Start thinking about the kind of man you want to meet. Is he into art? A sports fan? An avid reader? A firefighter?

Step #2: Get your butt to an art museum or gallery opening, a baseball/football/volleyball/hockey/soccer game, the book store/library, or a chili cook-off!

In my case, I love a good food festival! But I’m not going to go to a wine and cheese festival in the hopes of meeting a straight guy; it just doesn’t happen… No, typically, those attendants will be couples, groups of girlfriends, gay men– all good people… It’s just not the place to go to meet my Mr. Right. What is a good place, you ask? Well for me, it’s THIS:

Pig Island. It’s a festival of men’s favorite things: unlimited beer, whiskey, and meat. To quote straight from the website…

“…the tasting event will be tasking area chefs to create ambitious dishes using hogs from Flying Pigs Farm as their inspiration. For attendees, it’s about … delicious bites of pork, from pulled pork to whole-roasted beasts to hot dogs and beyond… In addition to all the pork belly (and shoulder and chops and ribs), they’ll have plenty of free-flowing beer, cider and wine (all included in the ticket), plus a brand new ‘Whiskey Tent’ that sounds both amazing and dangerous.” The Gothamist, Pig Island Preview.

So if you’re going to be in the NYC area (I know, I knowwww! It’s Brooklyn… But you don’t have to live there, just visit for the afternoon) on Saturday, September 12, 2015, from 11:30-4:00, go enjoy some delicious food, have a drink or two, and mosey around so Mr. Right can find you. Just remember to let him talk to you first!

Here’s a link to Pulsd Pig Island $65 General Admission ticket. (Have you heard of Pulsd? It’s similar to Groupon.) They have tickets at a 30% discount from the official Pig Island website.

Enjoy! :@

 

Today’s Tip- Do You

How’s that self-esteem of yours? Is there something small you can do to help yourself be happier? Or become more comfortable in your own skin?

It’s the beginning of a fresh, new week! For some, the beginning of a new school year. It’s the perfect time to put something new into your routine. Many art and music classes rotate with the school year calendar. Is there something you’d like to learn? Violin, pottery, a new language, how to refinish that end table, photography, wine pairing principles, how to get your dog to stop barking at the mailman? Is there a yoga or ballroom dance class you’ve been meaning to try (or return to)? Maybe you want to join a Meetup in your area? Not only will you open yourself up to meeting new people (maybe Mr. Right?), you’ll have more conversation topics to draw from in social situations.

Maybe something else would do the trick:

How about adding a few new items to your wardrobe to pep it up a bit?

Or a little tooth whitening might brighten your smile? A spray-tan? New fragrance?

A night in front of Netflix or HGTV donning an exfoliating mask, giving yourself a pedicure?

Taking some time to breathe deeply and meditate?

Perhaps a little getaway for the long Labor Day weekend?

Feast your eyes on some paintings at the MET?

A night out with the girls?

What do you like to do? What would boost your mind, body, and/or spirit and help you become the BEST version of yourself? “Doing you” is the first step in any relationship. The happier you are, the more confidence you exude, the more attractive you are to others. It’s the dawning of a new week; give it a go! What sounds good to you? Share your ideas below!

Today’s Tip- Safety First

Have a date with someone new? Going out for a nighttime jog? Live alone?

Has everyone heard of Kitestring? It’s a fantastic FREE service my bestie and I use when we go out at night or with a new man we met online (well, not her, she’s engaged now!). The website has step-by-step instructions, but in a nutshell, “Kitestring checks up on you when you’re out and alerts your friends if you don’t respond.” You set it up ahead of time with your name, phone number, 2 passwords, and your emergency contacts’ phone numbers. When you go out, you can text Kitestring on your assigned text line, or login to your computer to tell Kitestring how long you will be out. When you get back home, (login or) text your regular password to Kitestring and it will end your trip. If you do not check in, Kitestring will check in with you. If you do not respond, it sends your emergency contacts your personalized alert message. (Tip: Delete your password from your text history every time you use it so it’s not stored on your phone and nobody can check-in as you!)

It also has an added feature that if you are actually under duress, you can use your duress password and it will immediately alert your friends. (Horrible reality: I would make this password very clever. If you were actually in trouble, you wouldn’t want someone to see you typing “kidnapped” or “help” over your shoulder!)

Since we are on the topic, here are some best practice ideas to use when you are meeting a new man:

1.) WHO- Forward his name, phone number, and profile picture to your emergency contact(s) to have on file.

2.) WHEN- Text/call your emergency contact(s) to let them know you have a date and how long your expect to be. Text Kitestring when you head out.

3.) WHERE- ALWAYS meet in a safe, well-lit public place. Tell someone where you will be meeting him, and do not change locations once you get there. (Only change locations if you MUST and send a text to update your contact. And take your own car.)

4.) Do not get into his car or take a quick spin on his motorcycle. You’re smarter than that. You know WHY.

It’s a crazy world out there. If you have additional tips, please feel free to share them below. Stay safe, my loves!

Today’s Tip- Do What You Love

Take yourself on little dates to do things you love when you don’t have someone to go with you. I LOVE to pick my own produce, and peaches are in season at the moment so I made a solo trip to a local farm to pick some peaches straight from the trees. They. Are. Delicious! What do you love to do? Don’t be afraid to go alone. Who knows? You could always meet a cute farmer or a guy that shares your interest!

Hello!

Welcome to Advice by Alicia! I am thrilled to be here to answer your dating scene questions and spread this wealth of knowledge known as The Rules (TM).

Having been a Rules Girl, or CUAO (Creature Unlike Any Other), for sometime, I decided I should make it official and become a Certified Rules Dating Coach. Many of my friends and I live and breathe The Rules(TM). We practice dialogue with each other, take turns being strong and steadfast in The Rules when the other is weak, and share in our Rules successes! In fact, my best friend is engaged and planning her wedding to a wonderful man thanks to The Rules! (My prediction: I will be wearing red and carrying roses. Can’t wait!)

What are The Rules? Visit my About the Rules page to find out more!