Today’s Tip: How is your relationship… really?

So I was chatting with a woman this weekend, and, being a Rules dating coach, couldn’t help but ask how she and her boyfriend got together.

Long story short, it was NOT a Rules beginning, nor is it a Rules relationship.

Now, you can have a semi-decent relationship without The Rules, but I was SO disheartened to hear the way he is treating her: neglecting her, taking her for granted, rolling in money but making her spilt everything, threatening to take HER dog if she breaks up with him, accusing her of being a “slut” because he “accidentally opened” her journal and read about a romantic relationship that came before him. SO heartbreaking.

One of my friends recently confided in me that when her boyfriend is nice, he’s NICE. But when he’s not, LOOK OUT! He’s mean, makes underhanded comments, calls her names, accuses (with no proof, just paranoia) her of trash-talking him to her friends (Um… We ARE allowed to confide in our friends!!), and holds her to complete double standards: he can flirt with other women IN FRONT OF HER all he wants, but she’s not even allowed to hang out with her male friends of 20 years.

These women are smart, highly educated, beautiful, and absolute dolls. They DO NOT deserve this disrespect, and NEITHER DO YOU. Rules aside for a moment: Okay, maybe you don’t always do them… but what kind of relationship are you REALLY in? Is he abusive and neglectful? Did it start out great and slowly deteriorate? Is he a sweetie at one moment (usually when you threaten to leave) and mean and hateful another? Does he make you question reality?

With perfect timing, this article crossed my path and I thought it would be great to share with you, if you, like so many women I have met, are struggling. http://iheartintelligence.com/2016/08/08/questions-partner-controlling/ 

 

All the love!

 

Today’s Tip: How to Make a New Rulesy Start

Hello, loves! On this eve of all eves I want to wish you a very happy beginning to a brand new year! I hope you all have some fantastic plans to ring in the New Year. Perhaps you’re seeing a man you’re Rulesing? Maybe a singles’ mixer? Hosting a party? Or a night out with the girls? Whatever you’re doing, I hope you have a wonderful holiday.

A fresh start! Don’t you just adore those? As I was searching through a stack of books yesterday, I found the Rules Journal that Ellen and Sherrie gave to me during the certification process. I don’t write in it because I prefer to do my journaling a bit differently from the way the book is set up, but the journal is genius. It’s set up so that every week you focus on one Rule (or piece of a Rule) at a time. With the beginning of the New Year, I thought this idea could come in handy for anyone that’s brand new to being a CUAO and CUAOs that are struggling to remember or stick to The Rules. Learning The Rules is a process that doesn’t happen overnight. So taking it one week at a time, practicing, and focusing on one Rule at a time, will help build your success, confidence, and trust in The Rules. If you don’t buy the Journal, you can still do this yourself. Have a little heart-to-heart with yourself and make a list of The Rules you find most difficult. Chat with yourself about why they’re difficult for you, and choose one Rule per week to work on. You will make progress in doing The Rules and learn a lot about yourself in the process: win-win!!

Happy New Year’s Eve!

Today’s Tip: Holiday Rule 1

The holiday season is upon us! That being the case, there are a few Rules we really need to keep in mind at this time of year. Over the next few weeks I will review them all, but let’s start with this one:
Let him lead!
This Rule has a lot of branches, but the one you need to focus on the most during the holidays is that you shouldn’t be introducing him to your friends before he introduces you to his friends… Or your family before you meet his family. I know it is tempting with all of the gatherings and get-togethers. And the best friend that’s in from out-of-town. And the aunts that sit you down every holiday to itemize the efforts you’ve been making to meet a man. And you’ve gone to the last 2 Thanksgivings alone. And it’s what I call “Diamond Season.” But you have to let things develop at the right speed. If you don’t rush and you play your cards right, you could be celebrating your own engagement by this time next year!

Today’s Tip- Do You

How’s that self-esteem of yours? Is there something small you can do to help yourself be happier? Or become more comfortable in your own skin?

It’s the beginning of a fresh, new week! For some, the beginning of a new school year. It’s the perfect time to put something new into your routine. Many art and music classes rotate with the school year calendar. Is there something you’d like to learn? Violin, pottery, a new language, how to refinish that end table, photography, wine pairing principles, how to get your dog to stop barking at the mailman? Is there a yoga or ballroom dance class you’ve been meaning to try (or return to)? Maybe you want to join a Meetup in your area? Not only will you open yourself up to meeting new people (maybe Mr. Right?), you’ll have more conversation topics to draw from in social situations.

Maybe something else would do the trick:

How about adding a few new items to your wardrobe to pep it up a bit?

Or a little tooth whitening might brighten your smile? A spray-tan? New fragrance?

A night in front of Netflix or HGTV donning an exfoliating mask, giving yourself a pedicure?

Taking some time to breathe deeply and meditate?

Perhaps a little getaway for the long Labor Day weekend?

Feast your eyes on some paintings at the MET?

A night out with the girls?

What do you like to do? What would boost your mind, body, and/or spirit and help you become the BEST version of yourself? “Doing you” is the first step in any relationship. The happier you are, the more confidence you exude, the more attractive you are to others. It’s the dawning of a new week; give it a go! What sounds good to you? Share your ideas below!

Today’s Tip- Safety First

Have a date with someone new? Going out for a nighttime jog? Live alone?

Has everyone heard of Kitestring? It’s a fantastic FREE service my bestie and I use when we go out at night or with a new man we met online (well, not her, she’s engaged now!). The website has step-by-step instructions, but in a nutshell, “Kitestring checks up on you when you’re out and alerts your friends if you don’t respond.” You set it up ahead of time with your name, phone number, 2 passwords, and your emergency contacts’ phone numbers. When you go out, you can text Kitestring on your assigned text line, or login to your computer to tell Kitestring how long you will be out. When you get back home, (login or) text your regular password to Kitestring and it will end your trip. If you do not check in, Kitestring will check in with you. If you do not respond, it sends your emergency contacts your personalized alert message. (Tip: Delete your password from your text history every time you use it so it’s not stored on your phone and nobody can check-in as you!)

It also has an added feature that if you are actually under duress, you can use your duress password and it will immediately alert your friends. (Horrible reality: I would make this password very clever. If you were actually in trouble, you wouldn’t want someone to see you typing “kidnapped” or “help” over your shoulder!)

Since we are on the topic, here are some best practice ideas to use when you are meeting a new man:

1.) WHO- Forward his name, phone number, and profile picture to your emergency contact(s) to have on file.

2.) WHEN- Text/call your emergency contact(s) to let them know you have a date and how long your expect to be. Text Kitestring when you head out.

3.) WHERE- ALWAYS meet in a safe, well-lit public place. Tell someone where you will be meeting him, and do not change locations once you get there. (Only change locations if you MUST and send a text to update your contact. And take your own car.)

4.) Do not get into his car or take a quick spin on his motorcycle. You’re smarter than that. You know WHY.

It’s a crazy world out there. If you have additional tips, please feel free to share them below. Stay safe, my loves!

Hello!

Welcome to Advice by Alicia! I am thrilled to be here to answer your dating scene questions and spread this wealth of knowledge known as The Rules (TM).

Having been a Rules Girl, or CUAO (Creature Unlike Any Other), for sometime, I decided I should make it official and become a Certified Rules Dating Coach. Many of my friends and I live and breathe The Rules(TM). We practice dialogue with each other, take turns being strong and steadfast in The Rules when the other is weak, and share in our Rules successes! In fact, my best friend is engaged and planning her wedding to a wonderful man thanks to The Rules! (My prediction: I will be wearing red and carrying roses. Can’t wait!)

What are The Rules? Visit my About the Rules page to find out more!