Tag: CUAO

Helpful Tools

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I made you some really helpful resources because (maybe it’s cheesy, but…) I care.
1.) Personally I’m a sucker for a quiz. This one tells you your dating style and gives you some pointers in your results. Dating Style Quiz. It’ll take you about 10 minutes.

2.) I also made “Take the Guesswork out of Dating” for you. It’ll guide you through what to do before, during, and after a date to avoid common (catastrophic) mistakes. Because you deserve way more than those jokers that are going to waste your precious time. Inside you’ll find:

  • How to craft your pre-date mindset
  • What TO talk about. What NOT to talk about
  • How to spot the guys that will waste your time
  • The recipe for increased confidence and decreased confusion

Pro tip: Print it and post it wherever you get ready for dates so it’s fresh in your head when you head out.

3.) The third treat I created for you is a guide called Learning to Pace a Relationship. It could be the difference between getting ghosted and getting married. Inside there’s answers to:

  • What is an appropriate first date location?
  • If we’ve been dating for 2 months, how many times per week can I see him?
  • Should I go to his place yet?
  • When can I spend a week away with him?

And SO MUCH MORE. Pacing is an important part of dating- especially in the beginning. It prevents him from getting too much from you too soon and fizzling out or ghosting AND gives him enough time to develop real feelings. This chart is chef’s kiss if I do say so myself.

Here’s my QR Code. It’ll take you to everything (My LinkTree).

✨Alsoooooo… You are also cordially invited to join me in a little corner of the internet I built for us. I’m starting a Dating Advice Support Group that will meet weekly to chat about The Rules, vent, support each other, and solve your specific dating woes. It’s small right now, as all new groups are- but that gets you in early at a Founder’s rate that will never go up- for however long you’re a member. I’ve also included a couple other Founder’s perks👇🏻

Check out the Founder’s Perks

Let me know what you think! And if you have questions, I’m only a DM @advice.by.alicia (on Insta or TikTok) or email away therulesroom@advicebyalicia.com 🤗

See you there?

Cheers!

Alicia

Short but Sweet: A dating profile

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The dating apps are getting a LOT of hate. And I get it.
But they get sooo much easier to navigate if you learn some tips.
✨Here’s a helpful hack✨
Keep your profile short and sweet, but with some personality. Keep it light and positive but add some specifics.

Here’s a template:

Hi! I’m__name__. I’m a ___career title___. OR I work in ___field___.
I’m into _ add about 6 things here. Add a couple that are hobbies, a couple that are good low-key date ideas (without saying it), and a couple that are things you love or want to try.__ Optional: A sentence about what you’re looking for in someone.

For example:

Hi! I’m Alicia. I’m a pediatric Speech Pathologist.
In my free time I like roller skating, skiing, and reading. I’m into science lectures, movies, and I’m always up for traveling and trying new foods.
I’m looking for someone easy-going who will try my latest kitchen creations.

OR

Hello! I’m Guinevere, but I go by Beck. I’m a grad student, studying writing- specifically poetry. When I’m not writing, you can find me teaching yoga, out with my friends, or checking out open mic nights. I’m always up for trying a fun food truck or new craft beers.
I’m a sucker for an old book store.

OR

Hey there, I’m Emily. I’m new to Paris, originally from Chicago.
I’m a marketing executive and have been having a blast learning about French culture and cuisine. I’m into art, photography, and fashion. I like to stay fit by running.

Why do it this way? Because we want men to start a real conversation with us. “Hi beautiful” and “wyd” isn’t worth our time. But if we want them to say something meaningful, we have to give them something to use to be able to start a conversation with us. I know. Many of them just swipe based on looks, it’s true. Men are visual. But a man that’s truly interested in you will want to start off right.
Bonus: if they’re smart, they can get some date ideas out of your profile.

What about pictures you ask? Post 1 of your smiling face closer up, and maybe 2 body shots so they can see your figure. You don’t need 17 action shots, every hobby you love depicted, pets, family, kids, etc. Make sure your pictures are clear, flattering, accurate, and recent.

What are the don’ts? DON’T:

  • List all of your dealbreakers. You can have them; just keep them to yourself.
  • Write a novel
  • Tell them your full name or where you live, work, go to the gym, etc. SAFETY FIRST!
  • Air out any dirty laundry or things that are unflattering
  • Spell out your wish list
  • Get gooey and romantic
  • Be bitter or demanding
  • Discuss past relationships, traumas, or baggage

There is plenty of time for him to get to know you and learn about your dark sides and your quirks. Right now, just keep it light and positive. He’s a *stranger* and you don’t owe strangers every little detail.

✨If all this sounds great but you’d like a little help navigating this topic, and dating in general, I’d like to invite you to my own little corner of the internet. I’m starting a small Dating Advice Support Group that will Zoom weekly to chat about The Rules, vent, support each other, and solve your specific dating woes. It’s small right now, as all new groups are- but that gets you in early at a Founder’s rate that will never go up- for however long you’re a member. I’ve also included a couple other Founder’s perks 👇🏻

Check out the Founder’s Perks

Let me know what you think! And if you have questions, I’m only an email away therulesroom@advicebyalicia.com 🤗

See you there?

Ok so have fun and be safe out there! Love- and luck!

I also keep my helpful resources for you here

Five Leaf Clover

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Ever find a 5 leaf clover? (Real or metaphorical?)

🍀 I’m really good at finding 4 leaf clovers. I don’t even pick them anymore; I just leave them there for other people to discover. But the 5’s? Those are special. I love finding those. Who wouldn’t?

Why am I telling you this? Because you’re wasting your time on 3 leafers.

YOU are a FIVE leaf clover. Yes, I said FIVE. 

🚫☘️🚫How can you spot a 3 leafer? Easy.

They’re the ones that:

  • Call you at the last minute to “hang out” and doesn’t take you on real, planned dates
  • Text you at midnight… ehm…
  • Skip your birthday and act like holidays don’t exist
  • Invalidate, minimize, and/or belittle your feelings
  • Ignore you for their phone or friends
  • Are critical of you
  • Cancel on you
  • Expect a medal for doing the bare minimum
  • Tell you that nobody will love you like he does

You know what I’m talking about- and it’s time to ditch them.. 

You are a m0therf^cking FIVE leaf Clover Goddess. A Creature Unlike Any Other!!🦄

And you can’t fix him. You can’t make him be better to you. You can’t add leaves. There’s not enough superglue in the world. 

So ditch the weed. Because you CAN find a guy that’s a 5-er. They’re out there. You just need to learn to spot them sooner.

Also, you’re worth it. If you don’t believe it yet, I’ll believe it for you for now, until we get you there 🫶🏻

I’m coming to you from the future on this one… You’re gonna be SO pissed you spent so much time on those weeds when you’re discovered by your own FIVE leafer. 

Honest but Mysterious: Online Dating Profiles

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Dating apps are all different but many of them ask questions as part of the sign-up process. 

Whether it’s because they are trying to use the questions to match you with appropriate dates, trying to bulk up your profile, or just trying to help break the ice, the questions can get QUITE personal and heavy. 

Less is more on dating apps! (And the first few dates.) 

Keep it light, but interesting. Honest, but mysterious.

How? So glad you asked!

Some apps require you to answer questions in order to join. If you have to meet a minimum, only answer the most tame, surface questions.

Answer questions like:

  • Are you a summer person or a winter person?
  • Do you like scary movies?
  • Would you date a smoker?
  • Is pizza on your top 5 favorite food list?

Skip questions about:

  • Marriage
  • Having children in the future
  • Past relationships
  • Your flaws/weaknesses
  • Income/money
  • Which safety precautions you take
  • Intimacy/sexual experiences/fetishes

If you cannot avoid answering these types of questions (some apps require a minimum of 15. I’m looking at you, OKC…) answer them, but then go into the settings and make them all private. Or replace them with more mundane questions and delete the personal ones. 

If you HAVE to answer, try to be vague (choose: other) or noncommittal (choose: maybe/undecided).

✨If all this sounds great but you’d like a little help navigating this topic, and dating in general, I’d like to invite you to my own little corner of the internet. I’m starting a small Dating Advice Support Group that will Zoom weekly to chat about The Rules, vent, support each other, and solve your specific dating woes. It’s small right now, as all new groups are- but that gets you in early at a Founder’s rate that will never go up- for however long you’re a member. I’ve also included a couple other Founder’s perks 👇🏻 I’ll see you in there?

Check out the Founder’s Perks

Let me know what you think! And if you have questions, I’m only a DM @advice.by.alicia (on Insta or TikTok) or email away therulesroom@advicebyalicia.com 🤗

See you there?

Ok so have fun and be safe out there! Love- and luck!

I also keep some helpful resources for you here

Dating is Hard

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The good news? I got you, Boo. Married? I got you too.

First things first: where’ve I been? I’m still here. I’m still coaching clients. I’m just not blogging much, not posting much on socials -though, I am on Instagram, TikTok (for however long that lasts), and YouTube (there’s nothing on YT yet). Most of my clients have been finding me via the official Rules website, as I am listed as one of their certified coaches. Others have been clients/previous clients referring their friends (I am very honored, and SO delighted you’ve been happy with my advice-enough so to trust me with your friends! 🫶🏻). I haven’t been posting much because I’ve been pretty busy with a couple of businesses and life in general, particularly being a wife and mothering a toddler. But since my little one has started preschool (😳🥺😭), I find myself with some time. The stars have begun to align in my life to allow me to go back to devoting much more time to helping folks discover and practice ✨The Rules✨.

Sooooo, more posts, more blogs, maybe a podcast(?) to come! I’ve also been thinking I will start some weekly group chats so fellow CUAOs can get together, have questions answered, and support each other. I know firsthand how much better it is to have someone to turn to on a regular basis when you’re navigating the dating world, sometimes being the only one you know who’s doing The Rules. Over the years, I’ve had a lot of clients ask if we could make a group, and I just never had the time to host one. In fact, I am thinking of hosting two weekly group chats: one for the dating folks and one for the married folks. I think I may call them “Hard to Get” and “Easy to be With.”

More info to come in the coming weeks. I am bursting at the seams to share more with you! If you need anything in the meantime, head over to my Consultations page and we can chat. Also, PLEASE feel free to reach out and let me know if you have any particular topics you’d like me to focus on in my upcoming posts/videos/etc.

Cheers!

Dating During COVID

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Today’s Tip: The Rules During COVID

Wondering how to navigate The Rules when the COVID pandemic is still upon us? Straight from The Rules ladies themselves here are the tips:

“Rules Girl Tip- Here are our Rules for Dating During the Coronavirus up again. Everyone is writing asking for them so posting. Slight updates!

Even though everyone is acting like the world is ending because of the Coronavirus doesn’t mean you should throw The Rules out the window. Dating rules still apply!

1. If a guy you never met or met just once or twice on a dating app asks to Face Time as a substitute for a real date, say “no thanks” or “I’d rather wait” or “maybe another time.” You should be texting or talking for a couple of weeks before any video chatting! How do you know he’s not just bored and doing this with 10 other girls? But if you’re going to do it anyway, nothing last minute and limit the chat to 10 minutes!

2. You can say yes to longer and more frequent video chats if you are in a fairly serious relationship (you’re boyfriend-girlfriend, he’s said I love you or something comparable) and you’ve been on several months of Saturday night dates.

3. Don’t use the virus as an excuse to reach out to your crush with new updates, links and articles. Let him reach out to you. It’s always a better text or phone call when he contacts you!

4. Don’t use the virus as an excuse to reach out to an ex either. It reeks of boredom and loneliness. The virus is not going to make him want you back. But better to contact an ex than a live crush!

5. If you are going to accept a virtual chat, don’t sit on your bed in a sexy outfit and no sexting. Sit at your desk as if you were taking a break from work and end the call in 10 minutes with, “well, I better get back to that online course I’m taking.”

6. If he asks you on a date, you can meet for a walk/coffee, a picnic, outdoor dining or takeout food at a park, as long as it’s in your area and not secluded. Safety comes first! End the date after 1-2 hours. Under no circumstances does he go to your place or you go to his place for the first month, lest you become casual and intimate too soon!

7. Do you find it hard not to answer messages in nanoseconds? Disable the notification on the app so that you don’t know when he writes, and so you’re forced to answer hours later.

8. We know you’re bored out of your mind, but use the Not Your Mother’s Rules Text Back Time chart to respond in hours, not minutes.

9. Don’t drop by his place with books and board games or offer to bring his mother food as an excuse to see him.

10. Don’t worry about being too strict. The second the virus is over, he’ll move on to the girl who didn’t video chat with him or only video chatted with him briefly once or twice!”

Straight from The Rules ladies themselves! Stay safe and healthy!

Bonus tip:

Rules Girls are safety and health first so get vaccinated if you’re able!

Today’s Tip: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

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So, my dears, how did Valentine’s Day go?

He loves me:

He planned ahead/scheduled me well in advance of Valentine’s Day.

He made reservations/plans for something or somewhere he knew I would enjoy.

He told me he loves me.

He proposed!

He introduced me to his friends/parents/children.

He bought/made/gave me a romantic gift. Money is not the objective here; it’s romance. As CUAOs, we would prefer a card with a poem he wrote inside and signed “Love, …” over something practical that he spends beaucoup bucks on. So: card with poem/song he wrote over iPad, flowers over laptop, jewelry over expensive kitchen appliance, weekend trip over new car… you get the picture. Gifts are a great way to gauge how he feels about you. If he loves you, he doesn’t buy you something he would buy his grandmother. She gets the silk scarf and/or bouquet of daisies; you get the heart necklace and/or a dozen red roses. She gets the #1 Nana necklace; you get the sparkly diamond engagement ring. So be honest with yourself: Was it a romantic gift? If not, it’s a good time to take a good look at this relationship…

 

He loves me not (Probably—there’s a SLIM possibility he’s very spoiled or that a terrible precedent was set at the beginning of the relationship):

He waited until the last minute and asked the same day or night before.

He took me to the least romantic pub in existence where he watched xyz sports game/whatever was on the TV more than he spoke to me.

He bought me a coffee pot and zero flowers or candy.

He somehow made it sound like it would be SO romantic if I cooked dinner for us… But really, it just meant that I got stuck grocery shopping, paying for the food, lugging it home, cooking and cleaning, setting the mood, and all that joker did was bring the wine!

He makes me second-guess myself all the time. Is this a relationship or not? Is he just killing time? Just wanted a date so he doesn’t feel like a loser on the romance holiday?

He completely skipped Valentine’s Day but he called me for a date the next weekend…

He took me out on Saturday night (or ON Valentine’s Day) but didn’t actually acknowledge the holiday. (Even though I wore red and heart-shaped earrings.)

We’ve been “together” for 6 months. He got me a card and flowers, but he didn’t sign the card “Love, …” and, come to think of it, he never says it.

He invited me me over. He made dinner (a BIG batch of lasagna he intends separate into portions to eat every day for lunch this week). While we ate, we watched a movie he had pirated. But it feels like it was just really a ploy to get me into bed because immediately after dinner, we had sex, then he went directly to sleep.

 

So are you still plucking the flower or do you have a clear picture? Are you feeling blue because something on the list above happened to you? Don’t worry—you’re not alone in this. The above scenarios are ALL true stories that have happened either to me or one of my besties. We are in this together, ladies. Let’s change it!

Maybe there are some gray areas or you’re in the “bad precedent group” and you need to chat about and/or fix it– that’s fine too. Maybe you know the Rules but your mom/girlfriend/sister thinks you’re being too picky or crazy or overanalyzing and you need a fellow CUAO to look at it with fresh eyes. I’m here for you. Shoot me an email at datingadvicebyalicia@gmail.com or head to my Consultations page and fill in the boxes. We can sort this out together. Why not, right? Do you have more time to waste if he’s not in love with you yet?

All the love!

Today’s Tip: How to Make a New Rulesy Start

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Hello, loves! On this eve of all eves I want to wish you a very happy beginning to a brand new year! I hope you all have some fantastic plans to ring in the New Year. Perhaps you’re seeing a man you’re Rulesing? Maybe a singles’ mixer? Hosting a party? Or a night out with the girls? Whatever you’re doing, I hope you have a wonderful holiday.

A fresh start! Don’t you just adore those? As I was searching through a stack of books yesterday, I found the Rules Journal that Ellen and Sherrie gave to me during the certification process. I don’t write in it because I prefer to do my journaling a bit differently from the way the book is set up, but the journal is genius. It’s set up so that every week you focus on one Rule (or piece of a Rule) at a time. With the beginning of the New Year, I thought this idea could come in handy for anyone that’s brand new to being a CUAO and CUAOs that are struggling to remember or stick to The Rules. Learning The Rules is a process that doesn’t happen overnight. So taking it one week at a time, practicing, and focusing on one Rule at a time, will help build your success, confidence, and trust in The Rules. If you don’t buy the Journal, you can still do this yourself. Have a little heart-to-heart with yourself and make a list of The Rules you find most difficult. Chat with yourself about why they’re difficult for you, and choose one Rule per week to work on. You will make progress in doing The Rules and learn a lot about yourself in the process: win-win!!

Happy New Year’s Eve!

Today’s Tip- Wednesday for Saturday

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Well, it’s Thursday! Do you have a date on Saturday? Did he ask in time? You are far too amazing to sit around waiting! So, if he didn’t ask by yesterday, it looks like you’re free! What plans are you going to make? Here are some ideas:

Dinner/drinks with the girls

Rollerskating/bowling/shooting range

That movie you’ve been wanting to see

Hunkering down for hurricane Joaquin with Netflix (Do you have emergency supplies, just in case?)

One of those painting classes that are all the rage right now

Switch out that summer wardrobe for the winter one or vice versa

Brunch

Hiking in the woods to enjoy the fresh air

Visit the family

Join a Meetup- they have a lot of singles’ mixers

See if there’s something on your bucket list you can check off or plan for

Reread The Rules

What woman is interested in sitting around waiting for a last-minute invitation to do something on Saturday night? We have far too much to keep us busy. Friends to see, other men to date, hobbies, classes! Okay, maybe we don’t *always* have something to do… But that doesn’t mean we are interested in being an afterthought, a last-minute-last-choice, “what-are-you-doing-tonight?” date. I don’t know about you, but I prefer a man that asks me out with plenty of notice (by Wednesday) for Saturday. You can tell a lot about how he feels about you based on when he asks you out for Saturday night. If he thinks about you during the week, can’t wait to see you, and is worried you might be whisked away by another man, he will pin you down so you’re definitely his date on Saturday night! He will research the restaurant so you’re sure to like it. He will book tickets to something he knows you want to see… Something to make sure he impresses you and makes you happy. Some men even ask for next week at the end of every date so he’s SURE he gets to see you. If he’s not doing these things, but calling you on Saturday afternoon to “hang out tonight,” how smitten could he be? Worse, how do you know his first-choice date didn’t just cancel on him and now he’s settling for your company? You, my loves, are much more than a consolation prize!

Now, if this is a new relationship or you realize you’re in a bad habit of accepting last-minute dates… It’s possible he really does like you but he’s been spoiled in the past by your or women who do say yes to last-minute invitations. When he calls past Wednesday, just muster up a sweet voice and say “Oh I wish I could but I already have plans…” (Don’t tell him what they are, and don’t counter with another day that you are free.) If he’s really interested, he will eventually figure out to ask you out sooner. If he doesn’t, better you know his level of interest now. Win-win!

Today’s Tip- Online Dating Profile

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Is your online dating profile living up to its potential? Do the emails feel like they’ve started decreasing in number and your profile doesn’t seem to be getting the traffic it used to? If you think you already have the right CUAO blend of mystery and intrigue in your profile, try making a simple change. Sometimes, just changing a small sentence or swapping out one picture for a similar one is enough to bump your profile up to the top of the search results again. Give it a try!

If you feel like you’d like some guidance in revamping your dating profile, visit my Consultations page and we can take a look together. Finding the balance between being generic and spilling your guts can be a challenge; let’s work together to make your Rulesy profile and find your Mr. Right!