Helpful Tools

June 27, 2025August 2, 2025Leave a comment

I made you some really helpful resources because (maybe it’s cheesy, but…) I care.
1.) Personally I’m a sucker for a quiz. This one tells you your dating style and gives you some pointers in your results. Dating Style Quiz. It’ll take you about 10 minutes.

2.) I also made “Take the Guesswork out of Dating” for you. It’ll guide you through what to do before, during, and after a date to avoid common (catastrophic) mistakes. Because you deserve way more than those jokers that are going to waste your precious time. Inside you’ll find:

How to craft your pre-date mindset
What TO talk about. What NOT to talk about
How to spot the guys that will waste your time
The recipe for increased confidence and decreased confusion

Pro tip: Print it and post it wherever you get ready for dates so it’s fresh in your head when you head out.

3.) The third treat I created for you is a guide called Learning to Pace a Relationship. It could be the difference between getting ghosted and getting married. Inside there’s answers to:

What is an appropriate first date location?
If we’ve been dating for 2 months, how many times per week can I see him?
Should I go to his place yet?
When can I spend a week away with him?

And SO MUCH MORE. Pacing is an important part of dating- especially in the beginning. It prevents him from getting too much from you too soon and fizzling out or ghosting AND gives him enough time to develop real feelings. This chart is chef’s kiss if I do say so myself.

Here’s my QR Code. It’ll take you to everything (My LinkTree).

✨Alsoooooo… You are also cordially invited to join me in a little corner of the internet I built for us. I’m starting a Dating Advice Support Group that will meet weekly to chat about The Rules, vent, support each other, and solve your specific dating woes. It’s small right now, as all new groups are- but that gets you in early at a Founder’s rate that will never go up- for however long you’re a member. I’ve also included a couple other Founder’s perks👇🏻

Check out the Founder’s Perks

Let me know what you think! And if you have questions, I’m only a DM @advice.by.alicia (on Insta or TikTok) or email away therulesroom@advicebyalicia.com 🤗

See you there?

Cheers!

Alicia

It’s Here (Almost)! Join My Community!

Short but Sweet: A dating profile

May 14, 2025July 6, 20251 Comment

The dating apps are getting a LOT of hate. And I get it.
But they get sooo much easier to navigate if you learn some tips.
✨Here’s a helpful hack✨
Keep your profile short and sweet, but with some personality. Keep it light and positive but add some specifics.

Here’s a template:

Hi! I’m__name__. I’m a ___career title___. OR I work in ___field___.
I’m into _ add about 6 things here. Add a couple that are hobbies, a couple that are good low-key date ideas (without saying it), and a couple that are things you love or want to try.__ Optional: A sentence about what you’re looking for in someone.

For example:

Hi! I’m Alicia. I’m a pediatric Speech Pathologist.
In my free time I like roller skating, skiing, and reading. I’m into science lectures, movies, and I’m always up for traveling and trying new foods.
I’m looking for someone easy-going who will try my latest kitchen creations.

Hello! I’m Guinevere, but I go by Beck. I’m a grad student, studying writing- specifically poetry. When I’m not writing, you can find me teaching yoga, out with my friends, or checking out open mic nights. I’m always up for trying a fun food truck or new craft beers.
I’m a sucker for an old book store.

Hey there, I’m Emily. I’m new to Paris, originally from Chicago.
I’m a marketing executive and have been having a blast learning about French culture and cuisine. I’m into art, photography, and fashion. I like to stay fit by running.

Why do it this way? Because we want men to start a real conversation with us. “Hi beautiful” and “wyd” isn’t worth our time. But if we want them to say something meaningful, we have to give them something to use to be able to start a conversation with us. I know. Many of them just swipe based on looks, it’s true. Men are visual. But a man that’s truly interested in you will want to start off right.
Bonus: if they’re smart, they can get some date ideas out of your profile.

What about pictures you ask? Post 1 of your smiling face closer up, and maybe 2 body shots so they can see your figure. You don’t need 17 action shots, every hobby you love depicted, pets, family, kids, etc. Make sure your pictures are clear, flattering, accurate, and recent.

What are the don’ts? DON’T:

List all of your dealbreakers. You can have them; just keep them to yourself.
Write a novel
Tell them your full name or where you live, work, go to the gym, etc. SAFETY FIRST!
Air out any dirty laundry or things that are unflattering
Spell out your wish list
Get gooey and romantic
Be bitter or demanding
Discuss past relationships, traumas, or baggage

There is plenty of time for him to get to know you and learn about your dark sides and your quirks. Right now, just keep it light and positive. He’s a *stranger* and you don’t owe strangers every little detail.

✨If all this sounds great but you’d like a little help navigating this topic, and dating in general, I’d like to invite you to my own little corner of the internet. I’m starting a small Dating Advice Support Group that will Zoom weekly to chat about The Rules, vent, support each other, and solve your specific dating woes. It’s small right now, as all new groups are- but that gets you in early at a Founder’s rate that will never go up- for however long you’re a member. I’ve also included a couple other Founder’s perks 👇🏻

Check out the Founder’s Perks

Let me know what you think! And if you have questions, I’m only an email away therulesroom@advicebyalicia.com 🤗

See you there?

Ok so have fun and be safe out there! Love- and luck!

I also keep my helpful resources for you here

Five Leaf Clover

March 18, 2025Leave a comment

Ever find a 5 leaf clover? (Real or metaphorical?)

🍀 I’m really good at finding 4 leaf clovers. I don’t even pick them anymore; I just leave them there for other people to discover. But the 5’s? Those are special. I love finding those. Who wouldn’t?

Why am I telling you this? Because you’re wasting your time on 3 leafers.

YOU are a FIVE leaf clover. Yes, I said FIVE.

🚫☘️🚫How can you spot a 3 leafer? Easy.

They’re the ones that:

Call you at the last minute to “hang out” and doesn’t take you on real, planned dates
Text you at midnight… ehm…
Skip your birthday and act like holidays don’t exist
Invalidate, minimize, and/or belittle your feelings
Ignore you for their phone or friends
Are critical of you
Cancel on you
Expect a medal for doing the bare minimum
Tell you that nobody will love you like he does

You know what I’m talking about- and it’s time to ditch them..

You are a m0therf^cking FIVE leaf Clover Goddess. A Creature Unlike Any Other!!🦄

And you can’t fix him. You can’t make him be better to you. You can’t add leaves. There’s not enough superglue in the world.

So ditch the weed. Because you CAN find a guy that’s a 5-er. They’re out there. You just need to learn to spot them sooner.

Also, you’re worth it. If you don’t believe it yet, I’ll believe it for you for now, until we get you there 🫶🏻

I’m coming to you from the future on this one… You’re gonna be SO pissed you spent so much time on those weeds when you’re discovered by your own FIVE leafer.

Today’s Tip: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

February 22, 2016Leave a comment

So, my dears, how did Valentine’s Day go?

He loves me:

He planned ahead/scheduled me well in advance of Valentine’s Day.

He made reservations/plans for something or somewhere he knew I would enjoy.

He told me he loves me.

He proposed!

He introduced me to his friends/parents/children.

He bought/made/gave me a romantic gift. Money is not the objective here; it’s romance. As CUAOs, we would prefer a card with a poem he wrote inside and signed “Love, …” over something practical that he spends beaucoup bucks on. So: card with poem/song he wrote over iPad, flowers over laptop, jewelry over expensive kitchen appliance, weekend trip over new car… you get the picture. Gifts are a great way to gauge how he feels about you. If he loves you, he doesn’t buy you something he would buy his grandmother. She gets the silk scarf and/or bouquet of daisies; you get the heart necklace and/or a dozen red roses. She gets the #1 Nana necklace; you get the sparkly diamond engagement ring. So be honest with yourself: Was it a romantic gift? If not, it’s a good time to take a good look at this relationship…

He loves me not (Probably—there’s a SLIM possibility he’s very spoiled or that a terrible precedent was set at the beginning of the relationship):

He waited until the last minute and asked the same day or night before.

He took me to the least romantic pub in existence where he watched xyz sports game/whatever was on the TV more than he spoke to me.

He bought me a coffee pot and zero flowers or candy.

He somehow made it sound like it would be SO romantic if I cooked dinner for us… But really, it just meant that I got stuck grocery shopping, paying for the food, lugging it home, cooking and cleaning, setting the mood, and all that joker did was bring the wine!

He makes me second-guess myself all the time. Is this a relationship or not? Is he just killing time? Just wanted a date so he doesn’t feel like a loser on the romance holiday?

He completely skipped Valentine’s Day but he called me for a date the next weekend…

He took me out on Saturday night (or ON Valentine’s Day) but didn’t actually acknowledge the holiday. (Even though I wore red and heart-shaped earrings.)

We’ve been “together” for 6 months. He got me a card and flowers, but he didn’t sign the card “Love, …” and, come to think of it, he never says it.

He invited me me over. He made dinner (a BIG batch of lasagna he intends separate into portions to eat every day for lunch this week). While we ate, we watched a movie he had pirated. But it feels like it was just really a ploy to get me into bed because immediately after dinner, we had sex, then he went directly to sleep.

So are you still plucking the flower or do you have a clear picture? Are you feeling blue because something on the list above happened to you? Don’t worry—you’re not alone in this. The above scenarios are ALL true stories that have happened either to me or one of my besties. We are in this together, ladies. Let’s change it!

Maybe there are some gray areas or you’re in the “bad precedent group” and you need to chat about and/or fix it– that’s fine too. Maybe you know the Rules but your mom/girlfriend/sister thinks you’re being too picky or crazy or overanalyzing and you need a fellow CUAO to look at it with fresh eyes. I’m here for you. Shoot me an email at datingadvicebyalicia@gmail.com or head to my Consultations page and fill in the boxes. We can sort this out together. Why not, right? Do you have more time to waste if he’s not in love with you yet?

All the love!

Today’s Tip: Valentine’s Day

February 8, 2016Leave a comment

So, ladies… What is your job on Valentine’s Day? To be aware and observe!

Has he asked you to be his Valentine and pinned you down for a date yet?
Has he made reservations or plans for the date?
Has he been dropping or picking up hints about a gift?
Has he asked/figured out your favorite flower or your preference toward silver/gold/white gold, or white/milk/dark chocolate, etc.?
Does he use the “L” word?
Have you only been together for a few weeks? …And you’re not sure how he feels quite yet?

OR…
Is he acting disgruntled about this “fake holiday that was only invented to sell cards and chocolate”?
Is he bitter and resentful that there’s a holiday where he’s “expected to compete with other men to show how much I love my woman… because I love you every day and why should I be forced to prove it today?”?
Is he cranky that “everything will be crowded and overpriced.” Then asks you if you’re “sure you REALLY want to do something on such a silly ‘holiday’?”
(Are you reliving a crappy past relationship after having read the above quotes? Me too. I won’t name names, but they’re actual quotes. Take some deep breaths and let that go, because it will only poison a new relationship. Let the new guy have his clean slate!)

Now is the time you get to see how he really feels about you; so keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth shut. A man in love acts much differently than a man that is not. So pay attention! We will reconvene when Vday is over to assess the situation.

A little prep on your part:

So… What if he “forgets” or never mentions Valentine’s Day?
If he doesn’t mention it, you don’t either! As far as you are concerned, you have other plans (that he can wonder but will never know about). Don’t sit home sad. Get dressed up, go out, and find a new man! Or do what my bestie and I used to do on Vday when we were single at the same time: dress up in adorably festive outfits and hit a restaurant that’s not exactly a date spot for a newer couple… For us it was the spiciest Szechuan we could find. Tearing and snotting (so very ladylike, I know) over our bowls of dumplings in chili oil and spicy beef noodle soup was so much fun we didn’t give a second thought to Vday (except that we bought each other chocolate and/or flowers)! Also in the category of “non-date food,” anything awkward, super spicy, and/or messy to eat: chicken wings, BBQ ribs, tacos, burgers, ramen, crab legs…

What about a gift for him?
No mushy cards, chocolate, jewelry, poetry, champagne, etc.! Reread the part in The Rules about what kind of gifts are appropriate to give him (or my previous post about gifting– but choose a smaller gift than you would get him for Christmas or his birthday. No need to break the bank.). Hint: If you’ve only been on a few dates, the answer is “nothing.”

P.S. Dress nicely, keep your manners about you, and don’t forget to say thank you (sans gushing).

P.P.S. Don’t rope yourself into planning and cooking the romantic dinner for Valentine’s Day! It’s a TRAP! You’ll get stuck with the trip to the store, the expense of the food, the planning and cooking of the menu, the burden of entertaining- driving yourself nuts cleaning your place, possible dish duty, cleaning linens, and you’re the one setting the romantic tone! How wooed can you feel if it’s all your responsibility? Leave the romance up to him- until it’s his birthday, or you’re married (and even then, do you want to do the cooking and romancing on your anniversary??)

Love and luck!

Today’s Tip- Holiday Rule 2: What to Gift Him

November 21, 2015November 21, 2015Leave a comment

‘Tis the season to be giving… But what should that look like? I know a lot of you are super conscientious and are already thinking about shopping for your boyfriend’s [insert your particular gift-giving holiday for the season here] gift. I’m going to give this one to you straight. Here are the “Do’s” and “Do not’s.”

What NOT to get him:

Anything that is mushy/romantic (no pictures, poetry, jewelry, chocolate, cologne, or love songs). Let him be the romance factory in the relationship.
Anything that tries to change him or forces your taste on him. (You want him to wear button-down shirts, but he doesn’t like them. You think he looks great in yellow; he knows he looks like Big Bird. You want him to read a book on politics or relationships or business…) You love him for who he is!
Anything sneaky or manipulative (You want to place reminders of yourself in his home so you buy him throw pillows for his couch, or a blanket for his bed, or plates, or wine glasses, or monogrammed towels, etc. Pictures also fall into this category.) If he loves you, he is already thinking about you all the time. If he isn’t, why are you buying him a gift? Register for all that stuff together when you’re planning the wedding!
Anything alive.

So what kind of gift DO we give the man in our life? Something he will like, fits his interests, and doesn’t break the bank (no more than $50-100). Here are some ideas:

Bottle of whisk(e)y (rye, scotch, bourbon), rum, brandy, or tequila
Small batch craft beer (You can customize a 6-pack in a worthy beer store.)
Beer recipe book (recipes that mimic famous brews) since everyone is into brewing these days
A book on a (nonromantic) topic he would enjoy: sports statistics, woodworking, horror or sci-fi novel, a travel book about what/where to eat in Japan because he will be there for business next month (not the honeymoon trip you’re dreaming of), the Civil War, the history of tattoos, etc.
A hat: baseball, flat cap, winter
Hoodie/sweater/button-down/polo shirt
Gloves and/or a scarf (Store-bought. Do not make these.)
Sweatshirt/T-shirt of his favorite sports team
Cigars
A video game
A DVD (documentary, action movie, superhero movie, Best of xyz Sporting Event) he’d like and some snacks: Sriracha popcorn, pistachios, mixed nuts, pretzels, beef jerky, etc.
Miracle Berry Tablets and a bag of lemons, limes, and oranges (And I highly recommend some Tums for after he raids the entire fridge.)
Geeky gadgets or t-shirts
A fancy straightedge razor

So what do you get the guy…

…you’ve been seeing for a month? Nothing! It’s only been a month! Don’t scare the dude away.

…you’re married to? Anything he would like!

Today’s Tip: Holiday Rule 1

November 16, 2015Leave a comment

The holiday season is upon us! That being the case, there are a few Rules we really need to keep in mind at this time of year. Over the next few weeks I will review them all, but let’s start with this one:
Let him lead!
This Rule has a lot of branches, but the one you need to focus on the most during the holidays is that you shouldn’t be introducing him to your friends before he introduces you to his friends… Or your family before you meet his family. I know it is tempting with all of the gatherings and get-togethers. And the best friend that’s in from out-of-town. And the aunts that sit you down every holiday to itemize the efforts you’ve been making to meet a man. And you’ve gone to the last 2 Thanksgivings alone. And it’s what I call “Diamond Season.” But you have to let things develop at the right speed. If you don’t rush and you play your cards right, you could be celebrating your own engagement by this time next year!

Today’s Tip #2- Where the Men Are

August 31, 2015Leave a comment

Have you been having trouble figuring out where to meet men? Bars are either too crowded, loud, not the right vibe… You work with mostly women… Your hobbies are typically of the female persuasion… Your friends have dropped the ball in introducing you to anyone… The dating sites aren’t getting you very far… Whatever the reason, you’ve got to start thinking outside of the box to meet Mr. Right.

Step #1: Start thinking about the kind of man you want to meet. Is he into art? A sports fan? An avid reader? A firefighter?

Step #2: Get your butt to an art museum or gallery opening, a baseball/football/volleyball/hockey/soccer game, the book store/library, or a chili cook-off!

In my case, I love a good food festival! But I’m not going to go to a wine and cheese festival in the hopes of meeting a straight guy; it just doesn’t happen… No, typically, those attendants will be couples, groups of girlfriends, gay men– all good people… It’s just not the place to go to meet my Mr. Right. What is a good place, you ask? Well for me, it’s THIS:

Pig Island. It’s a festival of men’s favorite things: unlimited beer, whiskey, and meat. To quote straight from the website…

“…the tasting event will be tasking area chefs to create ambitious dishes using hogs from Flying Pigs Farm as their inspiration. For attendees, it’s about … delicious bites of pork, from pulled pork to whole-roasted beasts to hot dogs and beyond… In addition to all the pork belly (and shoulder and chops and ribs), they’ll have plenty of free-flowing beer, cider and wine (all included in the ticket), plus a brand new ‘Whiskey Tent’ that sounds both amazing and dangerous.” The Gothamist, Pig Island Preview.

So if you’re going to be in the NYC area (I know, I knowwww! It’s Brooklyn… But you don’t have to live there, just visit for the afternoon) on Saturday, September 12, 2015, from 11:30-4:00, go enjoy some delicious food, have a drink or two, and mosey around so Mr. Right can find you. Just remember to let him talk to you first!

Here’s a link to Pulsd Pig Island $65 General Admission ticket. (Have you heard of Pulsd? It’s similar to Groupon.) They have tickets at a 30% discount from the official Pig Island website.

Enjoy! :@

Today’s Tip- Do You

August 31, 2015August 31, 2015Leave a comment

How’s that self-esteem of yours? Is there something small you can do to help yourself be happier? Or become more comfortable in your own skin?

It’s the beginning of a fresh, new week! For some, the beginning of a new school year. It’s the perfect time to put something new into your routine. Many art and music classes rotate with the school year calendar. Is there something you’d like to learn? Violin, pottery, a new language, how to refinish that end table, photography, wine pairing principles, how to get your dog to stop barking at the mailman? Is there a yoga or ballroom dance class you’ve been meaning to try (or return to)? Maybe you want to join a Meetup in your area? Not only will you open yourself up to meeting new people (maybe Mr. Right?), you’ll have more conversation topics to draw from in social situations.

Maybe something else would do the trick:

How about adding a few new items to your wardrobe to pep it up a bit?

Or a little tooth whitening might brighten your smile? A spray-tan? New fragrance?

A night in front of Netflix or HGTV donning an exfoliating mask, giving yourself a pedicure?

Taking some time to breathe deeply and meditate?

Perhaps a little getaway for the long Labor Day weekend?

Feast your eyes on some paintings at the MET?

A night out with the girls?

What do you like to do? What would boost your mind, body, and/or spirit and help you become the BEST version of yourself? “Doing you” is the first step in any relationship. The happier you are, the more confidence you exude, the more attractive you are to others. It’s the dawning of a new week; give it a go! What sounds good to you? Share your ideas below!

Advice by Alicia

Certified Rules (TM) Dating and Relationship Coach

Tag: Mr. Right